Last year when I initially started this blog I wasn’t too sure how far I would get with this project. Would I keep up with it for a year? Will I enjoy it? Will it spiral into something amazing? All unknowns. 2016 was simply not my year, personally I had struggled immensely even from the year prior… who am I kidding 2015 wasn’t my year either. I was at a point in my life where I suddenly woke up and all I could think of was “HOW THE FUCK DID I END UP HERE?” Time had slipped from my hands and the things I kept putting off suddenly were bitting me in the ass. My best friend had been nagging me for the longest time to pursue a career in something that I enjoyed… I am also the type of person when you repeat yourself more than a few times I begin to ignore you. Everything around me was changing, it felt like I was caught in this never ending wave crashing at the shore line… any time I thought I got my head above water, suddenly multiple waves would hit me all at once. I couldn’t catch a break and I was forced to start from scratch again. and again. and again. This was when my anxiety was at its peak and I had no control over it. My nervous energy ran rapid, channeling it into a calmer energy was like trying to hold one of those squishy toys that never stayed still in your grip. Just impossible.
Jennie (my best friend in the universe) continued to push me to find something, to find a career, to find my passion… she knew I loved to shop and I loved the hunt of finding an outfit. She suggested I applied to jobs for Fashion brands with social media involved. I had lived on Instagram and Pinterest for things… and Twitter for hockey. There wasn’t anything that I couldn’t find out: sales, that top from that Instagram photo, a similar dress from Pinterest. I had been following Something navy and the like to know it page for awhile, I loved that I was able to find out what these girls with the perfect photos were wearing. Hardly do I ever leave the house without putting myself together (unless I am going to a drive through), even when I think that I look like a mess people say I am always well put together. After looking at other “fashion bloggers” I thought to myself: “Why can’t I do that? Girls always ask me where I get XYZ or how I did my makeup/hair, this would be the best way to share it… and even meet other girls who are obsessed with fashion as much as I am.” I love my dear friends but none of them are as crazy about fashion and trends and all things pretty as much as I am. It was the most sense and the first clear as fucking day sign that I had seen in 2 years.
Taking every bit of my nervous and wild anxious energy I decided to put it all towards creating my blog. Having anxiety is a struggle, finding a way to exhaust all of this anxious energy that didn’t involve over thinking or struggling to control your outbursts isn’t easy. Working out, doing yoga, keeping busy all seemed like great ideas that you talk about in therapy, but putting it to action is another story. I had to find my own way, despite the many suggestions and offers. Taking that first step forward is the biggest push I have ever done, and I am so happy I did. Finding a name was my first job, I wanted it to describe me in a nutshell and be slightly ironic. It took me longer than I wanted, so I said to a friend “I am so indecisive about this… just like everything else.” Indecisively Stylish was born.
My other dear friend, Alison, is a giant ball of energy.. she radiates positivity and always reminds me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. She was SOOOO excited about me starting a blog and how I wanted to create things. The night began of adventures so I could write about where I went in this cute little black dress I had. I wanted my blog to be relatable, I wore this to that occasion or out with friends. She knew I was absolutely terrified to take photos in the streets… I mean all I could think about was people thinking “who does this girl think she is? does she think she’s an ‘insta-model’?” Learning to tune all of that out and focus on what the story I was trying to portray was my goal. Alison forced me to focus and have fun at the same time. It was an amazing night out and we wandered from place to place and laughed the whole way through. A few days later she offered to help me take some photos for my blog and it all began.
Learning so many things along the way was a challenge but it was a world that I knew I could easily become a part of. No one to answer to but myself and everything was on my terms and my point of view. Blogging is something I can’t imagine not doing. Whether 5 people read my post or 500 people read it. You love it or you want to make fun of it. This was the perfect way for me to control my anxious energy and put it towards something positive. A positive outlet where I can be me and have fun doing so. This blog had pushed me in such a positive direct that things became a little bit better towards the end of 2016. I was determined to make 2017 my year. I blinked and I suddenly was moving on from a job that I felt so stuck at and moving onto an entire different industry and work environment. Showers of positive changes just kept happening and I couldn’t believe that it all started with one small step. One giant leap for Sarah.
I am still taking pictures in my backyard because on most days (the weekends) it is easiest for me. Now that I found a photographer that I am getting more comfortable around I am taking that step towards the New York City backdrops every girl wants. My blog turns 1 today and looking back I can’t believe how much has changed for the better. Through my platform I was able to interact with other fashion bloggers, and guess what? We all struggle with the same things! So many girls also fight anxiety and they are open about their struggles. I went from being in an environment of people where it was shameful and I was seen as a girl with a mental disorder who could break down at any moment to reading about how a girl had a really shitty anxiety attack that lasted for a week and what she did to pull through on top of posting a really cute outfit. It was a more accepting world and I didn’t feel so alone. I am happy that I took that risk to make this blog and post as much as I possibly can here.
Happy 1st Birthday.
Dynamite “nothing to wear” tee (unavailable)